For the last 5 months I have been at a job which I have hated for more days of those 5 months than I have enjoyed. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful to have had a job at all in an economy like this, but everything about this job brought me down. A couple months ago, a friend of mine at work told me about a position opening in the same company but in a different department...it would be a promotion. I would move from the hard labor outside to a cushy office, get paid a little more, and have the days off I needed. I applied and although I had doubts because of my lack of experience, I was selected right away. That was 2 months ago. (Possibly 3). I have been anxiously waiting for the day that I would be released from my current position to go over and I finally received a date last week...March 1st! That's tomorrow! As frustrated as I have been about being stuck where I was, the Lord kept reassuring me that I would be ok. I was afraid that after having to hold the position for 2 months that they would give it away, but He calmed those fears every day, over and over.
I often think to myself about the course my life has taken. I think about the choices that I have made, both good and bad. And then I sit and wonder what makes me so special that the Lord "favors" me or as it said in my patriarchal blessing, "is concerned with me"? It is in times like this that I sit back and marvel in gratitude at the love that manifests in my life. He has been my personal savior more times than I even realize and I can't believe that it took me 24 years of life to clearly see that. I just can't even believe the love and mercy that I get from the Lord every day of my life. I know it was his love that allowed me to make the decisions that I did to end up in California that first year out of high school. It was that year that I felt alone, depressed and just all kinds of self-destructive. He knows us better than we know ourselves because it was that year and all those feelings that left my only option to be to come home. I know my mom was inspired to tell me that the only way I could come home would be if I went to BYUH (which i promised myself i would NEVER do). I know that someone was inspired to start the basketball programs at division II schools in Hawaii (that was the only reason i agreed to go to BYUH). And it was at BYUH that I was able to not only spread my wings and grow but my testimony was able to flourish and grow beyond anything I could have done on my own. It's also how I became a Laie regular and has brought so many incredible people into my life. I am so grateful for my path to Laie because (even if only for a season), it has brought me to a man who helps me to grow in the Lord everyday and helps me to grow into myself as well. My life has brought me to many places and of all places I never DREAMED that Laie would be a place I am so grateful for. :p If I have learned anything from my short life so far, it has been that we are NEVER alone. As cliche as it seems, Heavenly Father will always provide. Maybe not on OUR timeline, but then again, this time on earth really isn't OURS anyway...we are just here to be tried and tested to prove ourselves worthy to enter his eternal presence. Just knowing that gives me such a higher purpose in life and I finally understand. So don't worry, mom...I get it. If my life were mapped out as footprints in sand, MOST of it would be just the one set of footprints...I still have yet to walk WITH my savior hand in hand toward eternity. When that day comes, I will walk a little slower, so as to enjoy my God and his presence in my life. :)
